I want to be clear that this message is not meant to say that you should live your life in some kind of hyper-vigilant state where you throw someone out because they made a mistake and hurt you in some way. I would say that I actually don't believe that at all. I think that people deserve multiple chances in your life, especially if they want to be better and they are making some kind of steps in the right direction. However, there is the kind of person that stays in your life and you allow that person to control you and the way you live your life. Let me be clear that when I say "in your life" I do not mean that they have to physically be there in your life. Someone can be long gone and you are still allowing yourself to be controlled by them. Maybe they have already moved on with their lives and they are in a different place, a different state of mind and you are still stuck in the same place that you let them put you in.

You can heal from them. You really can, but healing is not possible when you keep re-opening the same wound. You have got to stop going back to the what if's and the what could have been's. When you revisit that place mentally with that person, just mentally, it is like you are picking at that scab on the scar they left in your life. You can never heal if you just keep picking at it. I know moving on isn't always easy, but it is the only way to heal.

Here this: Don't let that situation make you bitter. Instead, let that situation make you better. Sometimes we run into heartbreak or pain after someone has controlled us and we decide that our new move is to become completely guarded and closed off. We decide that we will never be close or vulnerable with someone again. We decide that we will never trust anyone again. Don't do that. That will only lead to more loneliness and more unhappiness in your life. I know the pain sucks when you are in the middle of it, but constantly avoiding situations because they could possibly lead to pain is no way to live life. The pain is just part of being alive. If you allow yourself to let the pain guide you then all you are doing is letting that person who hurt you so badly control your life even when they are gone. Do you know what that is the opposite of? It is the opposite of moving on. It is the opposite of healing from the pain. Sometimes you have just got to feel the pain even though it hurts.

The way you heal is moving on. The way you heal is to focus on you instead of focusing on how they hurt you. Focus on how you can be the best you. Focus on how you can learn from the pain and how you can avoid being jaded by the pain.

It all starts with you.