Many of us allow the world to tell us how to live because we don't know who we are. Being self-aware and self-complete is a key factor in having a functional relationship with your partner. Many people don't work on themselves, forcing them to rely on someone else to complete them. When a relationship is healthy, you should both feel independent enough that you can make it on your own. You should feel value in yourself instead of relying on the other person to determine your value. The other person should only add to what you have -- they shouldn't be all that you have. They certainly shouldn't complete you. You should complete yourself, and then let them add things to your life that are above and beyond.
The problem with tying your value to your partner is that your relationship will be run by fear. When you're afraid to lose your person because you'll lose your value as a consequence, then you'll tolerate a whole lot more from that person than you should. This is why people stay in relationships with people who abuse them physically or emotionally. This is why people stay when they don't feel cared for anymore, or even loved. This is why you need to focus on completing yourself before you jump into it with someone else. If not, you will run the great risk of making them your everything. Then, when they leave, you will feel like you have nothing.
Another problem is jealousy of the partner that has their life together. This isn't the type of jealousy where you assume that your partner is cheating on you. This is when one of the partners starts to work on themselves to be a better partner and a better individual, but the other partner does not want to put in the work to do the same, and they end up dragging their partner down. We try to drag people down because their success reflects and draws attention to our lack of effort. When we refuse to work like they do, we realize that it's easier to stop them from winning in their lives.
Another thing I'd like to mention is that it's not all about you. I hear a lot of people talk to me about everything their partner does or did wrong. I never understand this because they'll never talk about it to their face. They instead talk about it behind their back, but that's only part of the problem. As a side note: Communication is key in relationships. Make sure that you're talking to them about what bothers you. Be open and honest -- it's always the best policy. When you focus on everything your partner isn't doing for you that means you're not focusing on all that you could be doing for them. You've got to put in the work. To complete yourself and determine your own value, you have to put in the work to be a good companion, a good encouragement, and a good partner. Start today.
It all starts with you.
