You Are Always In Control
You are in charge of what you accept. What I mean is that nobody can give you anything without your permission. I would like to mention that our insecurities can play a part in how vulnerable we are to accept certain things into our life more easily. When you are going through pain or you go through hurt it can certainly make you more vulnerable. I just want you to think about this -- nobody can make you go through less, nobody can give you anything that will make you lower your standards without your permission. You are always in control of what you accept.
Something I say a lot is, "protect what you accept." When you accept things into your life, you give them that permission. You give them that permission to make you settle, or that permission to lower your self-esteem. You have to be more careful with the things you accept into your life. Now sure, there are times when someone or something seems great and you had no idea that they would be so bad for your life, but there are times when you know you shouldn't be allowing this person or this thing into your life. Maybe you get a feeling about them or maybe it is just something they said that made you feel off about it, but you stick with them because you don't want to be alone, or you don't want to seem stuck up. Let me tell you something, not allowing people into your life that you know or feel are going to hurt you, cause you to settle, or lower your self-esteem is not stuck up. It is important to look out for yourself, because if you don't then you certainly won't be able to help anybody else.
Don't let the fear of judgement keep you from being in control of who you allow into your life. Don't let the fear of judgment allow you to do things you know will only cause trouble, pain, or heartbreak. And here's a big point I would like to make: Stop allowing people to hurt you more than once. When people come into your life and they hurt you time and time again, it is important to cut them off of your circle. I'm not saying that you can't talk to them ever again. I'm not saying that you can't be a friend to them when they need it, but I'm saying you need to stop giving them permission to break your heart. Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me again and again and again and at a certain point the shame is on me. At a certain point you become responsible for your own heartbreak because you are not being responsible for who you are giving your heart to in the first place.
Do not ever fall to the illusion that you are not in control of who you give permission to hurt you. You are always in control of that. You need to be aware of when you are more vulnerable, like when you are going through pain or hurt, so you can be more aware and more vigilant to keep that control.
It all starts with you.