You Can't Depend On People
So I have talked about this before, but I think it is worth revisiting because I get so many questions about giving advice on the subject. So we all have voids, right? We all have voids at different times in our lives for different reasons. I think a mistake that we make a lot, a mistake that I know I have made in the past, is that we allow our voids to be in the driver’s seat of our lives. We allow our voids to lead us in our lives. We allow our voids to call the shots even if it is not what is best for us, and most of the time if our voids are leading us somewhere it is probably not what is best for us. Let’s be real, voids are very hard to deal with and as human beings the first thing we are very likely to do is to fill those voids with something else, because we do not want to feel lonely, or we don’t want to feel insignificant, or we don’t want to feel like we have financial burdens in our life. So these voids start to take control and the mistake that we make is we try to fill those voids as soon as possible.
The big problem with trying to fill the voids in your life so quickly is that we will settle for whatever works at the time even if it is not what is best for us long term. So we put ourselves in situations where it is not good for us in our lives. A lot of us will accept relationships romantically or friendships that are not good for us because we are trying to fill the void that was left by the last person who left us. The problem with that is we will accept anything wrong with these people and the relationships we have with them because the only thing we are trying to do is fill that void. The thing is, other people can’t actually fill those voids for you. They can only distract you from those voids, but they will still be there. And if you are trying to distract yourself from your void with someone who is terrible for you in your life then all you are doing is making yourself weaker, more vulnerable, and open to more problems that can cause more voids in your life.
This is going to sound super negative and off brand but I really mean this. You cannot set up your life in such a way that you depend so much on the people around you because they can let you down, and if you are not able to take care of yourself in those situations then you might fall pretty hard and not like where that leads you. The most important thing is to work on filling those voids in your life by yourself. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have friends, but you need to learn to work on your voids independently. Learning to not rely on everyone else is an essential part of being independent in your life.
It all starts with you.