You Can’t Fix Them
I know that this one is a tough one to hear but it’s one of the most common issues that I see. When you strive for the best in your life, it’s easy to feel like you have some secret way of helping someone else out of the same pit that you crawled out of. Here’s the ugly truth- it’s theirs to crawl out of. Now, don’t get me wrong- I am not saying that you don’t need to make a practice of helping people when you can. However, there is a difference between when someone knows your prior experience and reaches out to you to get help because they want to pull themselves out, and when you insert yourself into the life of someone who is not ready to grow.
This doesn’t just speak to romantic relationships, this goes much deeper. This goes into the friendships that you keep. This is referring to you feeling the need to save your brothers and sisters and parents too. This lesson will burn you over and over until you learn that it is not your job or responsibility to grow the people around you. It is only your responsibility to grow in yourself and be a shining example to those who are willing to look at your life with a critical eye.
I know it feels different this time though, right? Wrong. The heart of the problem remains the same even if your heart has good intentions. The road to hell was paved with good intentions. You deserve to have people in your life that are fully present and are positive examples to you. You deserve to have people in your life that fuel you and not exhaust you. There is only so much you can do for someone else before it becomes their prerogative to change their life.
If you keep giving and giving and giving to people who don’t appreciate it, then you are robbing them of the value of their own hard work and yourself of the relationships that bring you peace. It’s not mean or rude to want what’s best for yourself in your life. You’re allowed. It’s also possible to wish the best for someone else without trying to be the best for them.
I’m just going to say it outright- You can’t fix them. You don’t have the tools. You don’t know the complexities in the same way that they do. You would be trying to untie years of a knotted rope with the lights off and no hands. You don’t have the tools. But they do. They have the exact tools that they need for the life they have been given, they only have to learn how to use them. All you can do is be an example to them. Lead by action and not by words. Be consistent in your own life. Be loyal to yourself. Be forgiving to yourself. Have grace for yourself and your journey and watch how the people around you begin to want those very things for themselves. Watch how when you change yourself, you change the world.
It all starts with you.