You Need to Connect
When you are allowing or even requiring a person to complete you, that means that you have something in your past that is keeping you from being able to connect with yourself. It means that you feel you are not already completely whole. There may be things in your past that you have not fully dealt with, and you are using another person to fill that spot of hurt that you have. It is much easier to worry about "the relationship" than to worry about and deal with your own issues. Here's the thing: if you are not completely whole, and I know that this might sound a little harsh or a little radical, I don't think you should be pursuing a relationship anyway. If you don't have water in your glass, how are you going to pour out anything for anyone else? I think you have to work on your relationship with yourself first. You have to start connecting back to yourself before you take on the challenge of someone else.
A lack of communication can also contribute to problems in your relationship. Possibly you have started to ignore the problems of the relationship because it just seems too hard to communicate and connect back with the other person. If you can't connect with them in a deeper sense, the relationship will begin to go downhill and become stale quickly. Social media and our phones in general are a major contributing factor to the communication issues in our relationships these days. Too often, it becomes all too easy to ignore my partner when I focus on my followers and all of the fake connections we keep online. Many times we spend physical time in the same room as our partners, but we're not present mentally because we're staring at the phone all night. Sometimes, though, it's not even because of the phone. Sometimes we spend our days preoccupied with everything besides what is in front of us. Whether that's our job. our sports teams, or whatever. We are mentally checked out whenever we are around the people we love, and we end up disconnecting and growing farther apart from them even when we are right next to them.
When you don't have a connection, whether it be with yourself or with your partner, you don't have power. I always say that you cannot illuminate the darkness without a connection -- without power. When you don't have a connection or communication, you will have a void in the relationship. That void gets filled with assumptions. You start to assume this person doesn't love you, that you are nothing but a bother to this person, or whatever. Assumptions are usually toxic in relationships because assumptions mean that we're not properly communicating, and that we're speaking for the other person in our own head. We are deciding what they think instead of just asking them about whatever is worrying us so much. We've got to quit assuming what someone thinks or what is best. We've got to communicate. We've got to connect.
It all starts with you.